Valentine schmalentine

It’s round the corner – here’s how to have a great day, regardless.

14th February has become yet another commercial touchstone, turning winter into gold for giftshops, restaurants, florists, perfumiers, jewellers, chocolatiers – anyone who can think up a link to romance, sex, hearts and flowers, Cupid, Eros crossfit gymnastics and the great search for love. Valentine’s Day… hmph.

What about those of us who won’t get a card or a bunch of roses? Who won’t get wined and dined, or be given gifts?

What about those of us who will get a card and maybe a gift and maybe go out to eat somewhere expensive… but only because we sort of have to? Because we’d be in the doodoo if we didn’t?

Next to Christmas and birthdays, Valentine’s Day is the day most likely to make us feel lonely. If we’re already lonely, it can make us feel worse than usual.

But don’t just sit there and let Cupid shoot poisoned arrows at you.

You have options! (read more…)

 

Blog for mental health – no more stigma

mental health, blog for mental health, mental illness, depression, loneliness, isolation, alientation, lonely feelings, full of life, dying of loneliness, bored and lonely, stuck, friendship, connection, well, ill, suicide, suicidal, feelings, emotionsI pledge my commitment to the Blog For Mental Health 2013 Project.  I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others.  By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health.  I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.

After five family bereavements in 14 months, I had a melt-down in 2008 which had a serious impact on my business, on friendships and work relationships, on my finances and my whole way of life. It resulted in a huge change – leaving the country and starting a very different life in Europe. The peace and clarity of the mountains gave me back the ability to think, but it took years to reach the point of being able to go back into the ‘real’ world. For many reasons, I wouldn’t turn the clock back as, despite the bad bits, I have learned so much and found so much good in the process. I would only wish to undo the damage I unwillingly caused to others.

This blog is a major route to putting something back, to sharing what I’ve learned and, maybe, giving people some new options to getting out of deep ruts.

Two good ones to read:

Knocked over by a feather

A canvas of the minds

Mental health and suicide - let's get talking

Reblogged from Self-Harm Sanctuary:

If you have read/watched the news recently or support mental health charities such as SANE you may have read that according to the Office of National Statistics, suicide rates have increased 'significantly' and best vaporizer it seems that of this increase there is more male suicides. Male mental health is sometimes overlooked, not because we as a nation do not want to help but our society makes it hard for the male gender to 'come out' about their mental health

Read more… 598 more words

Loneliness, whether chronic or acute, can be wrapped up in the despair that leads to thoughts of suicide. Read this powerful post and keep your eyes and ears open for the tiny clues that might alert you to family or friends's hidden feelings. If this is you... seo agency talk to someone, please. If you feel that no-one you know cares enough to listen, psychic chat talk to someone whose job it is to listen. You won't be a burden – exactly the opposite. They've trained for years to be able to help you and all of us who need help from time to time, so they are completely focused, ready and more than willing. Please... pick up the phone, send an email, or walk in. Don't fester on your own. Another perspectivereally helps to pull you at least part of the way out of your rut. And when you get a better all-round view, you may start to see some solutions. There will be some, but you need to be in a position to spot them. You can't see anything when you're in the depths where it's dark and cold. Let someone give you a hand to reach the light http://www.elitereplicawatch.net and the warmth...

Attention and intention

Full of life, banish loneliness, be a good listener

Is this the face of a good listener? Would you like to have her as a friend to talk to?

One crucial thing to understand is the way we connect with others. It’s not enough to be in the same place as other people. You can be in a crowded room, a busy station, a park full of people, even in bed with your spouse… and still feel lonely. In fact, it can feel much worse – to be close to others but be shut out, shut off from them, invisible. Sometimes you feel that even if you yelled and screamed, no-one would hear you.

Sometimes even if you’re in the middle of a conversation, you can feel that your companion has drifted off, distracted by something else or just daydreaming. They’re not listening to you any more, and when you prod them, they are startled as they pull their attention back to you.

“Sorry, I was miles away…”

Not very flattering, is it? Is what you were saying so boring?

Who knows what was going on in their head. Maybe they were terribly worried and couldn’t concentrate. Maybe they script reader saw something fascinating over your shoulder. Maybe they’re exhausted after a hellish day. Maybe they’re weed pipes shallow and selfish and need a slap&hellip

Ignore that last bit – it’s how it makes us feel but it’s almost certainly not fair.

We’ve all had it happen to us… but have you ever been guilty of it? Not listening, not keeping your attention focused on what someone is telling you?

Being a good listener is a great way to connect: here are seven points of a listener.

banish loneliness, be full of life

Are they listening? Are they people you’d want as friends for their kindness and empathy?

1. Keep eye contact as much as possible; keep your eyes on the speaker’s face, at least.

2. Listen with all your senses – more is said with body language and tone of voice than with words.

3. Don’t interrupt. Don’t argue. Ask questions to get clarity, not to interrogate.

4. Stay close but not too close – don’t invade the speaker’s personal space unless invited.

5. Let your body show your interest; lean forward just a little, don’t fidget, but nod your head to indicate you hear them and understand.

6. Listen with empathy. Don’t criticise, and don’t judge – not even in your head.

7. Be kind. The speaker will feel your kind intention.

Do you know how it feels to have a good listener to talk to? 

Are you a good listener?

 

Happy New Year!

The 2008-09 Melbourne NYE fireworks, as seen f...

Photo credit: Wikipedia

Are you having a good New Year’s Eve? I’m in California this time, where we’re some of the last to reach 2013. Europe and further East is already into next year.. how does it look?

If this has been a tough year for you, I wish you joy and warmth and deep connection for the coming year.

Remember… To banish loneliness, what you need to do is this:

• Recognise that because we are one with all of life, we can never be truly alone. Humans are just one form of life on this extraordinary planet, and that connecting with any other form of life nurtures us.

• Connect. Get in touch. I mean, literally. We need to touch life and connect in ways we can really feel. You know the difference. There’s the polite touch of a formal handshake, or the pragmatic touch of a hospital worker moving a patient. The energy exchange is low and essay there is next to no connection. Compare the feeling of picking up your child for a hug, or being pulled close by your partner. Come to that, a welcome from your dog, or your cat, or your horse. Even the blossoming of a plant you grew from seed

* Explore your inner world, and discover that the void you always thought was inside you was just an illusion. When you see and hear and feel the great torrent of light and energy that makes you alive, you’ll know you’re full of life, and you can let the life shine out of you. People are drawn to life and light, whether it’s sunlight or a offer in compromise warm smile. That’s when you begin to draw people towards you – they won’t be able to resist

* Give, share, include. When you feel lonely, the instinct is to conserve what we can, to keep as much energy to ourselves so comment pirater un compte facebook that we survive and stay warm. But that too is an illusion. The fabulous truth is that the more warmth, affection, kindness, enthusiasm, and love we give out, the more we buy valium have, and the more we receive

Have a wonderful 2013 which sees you attracting everything you long for, and saying farewell to loneliness. May you be full of life!

Happy high-flyer hides lethal loneliness

Loneliness does not just affect the elderly and vulnerable. It’s a feeling that can hit anyone, any age, any circumstances – and can be devastating.

A 28-year old woman living in Manchester felt so cut-off from her family that despite being thought happy and successful, she felt acutely lonely to the point of suicide.

The Kenyan online paper The Standard (read the report here) reported the sad death of Sharon Bukokhe, a high-flying business woman living in Britain, with her family scattered around the world. Her instagram likes sense of disconnection must have agonising, as it lead to her planning and carrying out riot points generator no download prescription drug coverage her own death, presumably to stop the pain of alienation and separation

On the surface she was happy, busy, intelligent, ambitious and heading for success. But she was disguising profound loneliness, even from her family. She was in her twenties, married, with everything ahead of her.

Loneliness, isolation, disconnection – whatever the feeling’s called – can break strong people and shatter lives.

Don’t let it kill someone you love.

 

Confusion and conflict over non-sexual touch

The Daily Mail ran an article about a New York woman who offers a cuddle service to anyone, man or woman, who’s feeling touch-deprived. And she’s being branded as a prostitute by some who don’t understand the difference between touch and sex.

Read the article here.

Jackie Samuel, founder of The Snuggery, has a degree in Brain and Cognitive Science from the University of Rochester, and is doing a Masters degree in social work; she is very clear that her service has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with healing: “My philosophy embraces the idea that we bingo sites are all aspects of the same self—to be a healer is to be healed. When we cultivate or nurture something outside ourselves, we’re nurturing what’s inside as well. Touch can breach the perceived separation and provide us with a healing connection.&rdquo

Two comments: the first is that it’s tragic that such a service should be needed, when kindly, simple touch should be part of everyday life; and that people’s values should be so distorted that they mistake compassionate touch for sex. She apparently has had plenty of mail from outraged citizens accusing her of prostitution and ‘selling love’. What nonsense. She doesn’t “love” her clients, except in the purely spiritual sense of general compassion. And it’s hardly an outrageous fee she charges: $50 for a session is a fraction of what you’d pay for PR advice, let alone dentistry or medicine. I’d guess that most New York therapists charge considerably more for considerably less benefit.

And she’s doing something about the drastic touch deficit we’re facing now, and which our children are facing in far worse proportions as the taboo on touch increases.

The first time I set foot in New York I’ll be booking a session and will report back to you. If any readers in and around Rochester NY fancy giving her cuddling service a try, please send me a report. I love the idea and wish her well.

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